To KICK OFF quarantine -- which I give TWO (frequently washed) THUMBS down -- I joined LETTERBOXD.
I've been a MOVIE FIEND since, well, BASICALLY PAMPERS. But I'm NOT BIG ON reviews. SO...
To shake things up, I CHALLENGED MYSELF to write some BITE-SIZED REVIEWS...
THE BEACH BUM
Feels like a FEEL-GOOD MOVIE from another dimension. One where YACHT ROCK becomes hypnotic, Zac Efron looks NATURAL IN JNCOS, and the otherwise DULL QUEST of writing a book of poems is CINEMATIC DYNAMITE.
IDIOCRACY
Gives hope that even the MOST AVERAGE of us stand a fighting chance against the DUMBEST OF THE DUMB.
THE TWILIGHT SAGA: BREAKING DAWN PT. I
This deep into the saga, if I WEREN'T a TOTAL SUCKER for the CAMPY CG, HAMMY LOVE TRIANGLE, and WB SHOW/MCR-music-vid-lovechild vibe, I'd CHECK MY PULSE.
ONWARD
Like an ELFIN PLANES, TRAINS, AND AUTOMOBILES...less laughs but ALMOST as much heart.
THE HOBBIT: AN UNEXPECTED JOURNEY
Meandering BUT enchanting performances and eye-popping backdrops make the CG OD almost worth it. (IF ONLY the runtime itself was a "HALF-LING!")
THE HOBBIT: THE DESOLATION OF SMAUG
The first one was SUCH A SLOG, I CAN'T turn back now. But this WENT IN ONE EYE and OUT THE OTHER.
THE HOBBIT: THE BATTLE OF THE 5 ARMIES
C'MON! Epic quest or ENDURANCE TEST? Just like the "unexpected party" scene, this WHOLE TRILOGY overstays its welcome!
BIG TROUBLE IN LITTLE CHINA
ZAPS, PUNCHES and KARATE-CHOPS its way through LOGIC, POLITICAL CORRECTNESS and nearly EVERY 80S MOVIE GENRE imaginable.
THE LITTLE MERMAID
BEAUTIFUL animation, BEASTLY message. CLASSIC classic Disney.
ICE AGE
"3 MEGAFAUNA AND A BABY" is a cute quest with a warm message. (Could've ICED the SLOTH though IMO.)
I WAS A TEENAGE ZOMBIE
YUKS, YUCKS, and a KILLER SOUNDTRACK. What more could you want from a zom-com?
And lastly...
SOCIETY
...Holy SHUNT!