To KICK OFF quarantine -- which I give TWO (frequently washed) THUMBS down -- I joined LETTERBOXD.
I've been a MOVIE FIEND since, well, BASICALLY PAMPERS. But I'm NOT BIG ON reviews. SO...
To shake things up, I CHALLENGED MYSELF to write some BITE-SIZED REVIEWS. Here are some.
![](https://cdn.myportfolio.com/243fc7ba-ab4a-41db-a8de-a12a0fa1bf0a/9d749556-0953-4b10-91ee-60a650533985_rw_600.jpg?h=c6d93543d38ed4ce2641d87ab9049fab)
THE BEACH BUM
Feels like a FEEL-GOOD MOVIE from another dimension. One where YACHT ROCK becomes hypnotic, Zac Efron looks NATURAL IN JNCOS, and the otherwise DULL QUEST of writing a book of poems is CINEMATIC DYNAMITE.
![](https://cdn.myportfolio.com/243fc7ba-ab4a-41db-a8de-a12a0fa1bf0a/79bd4861-44c5-4b6b-9cff-d90d68ee8f35_rw_1200.jpg?h=5157ce064a51412161caeb3b9743f894)
IDIOCRACY
Gives hope that even the MOST AVERAGE of us stand a fighting chance against the DUMBEST OF THE DUMB.
![](https://cdn.myportfolio.com/243fc7ba-ab4a-41db-a8de-a12a0fa1bf0a/0073c7ac-cf0e-423e-aa34-3bb4e70ef1f7_rw_1200.jpg?h=803bb22e34abbc3668495ca6c57080f5)
THE TWILIGHT SAGA: BREAKING DAWN PT. I
This deep into the saga, if I WEREN'T a TOTAL SUCKER for the CAMPY CG, HAMMY LOVE TRIANGLE, and WB SHOW/MCR-music-vid-lovechild vibe, I'd CHECK MY PULSE.
![](https://cdn.myportfolio.com/243fc7ba-ab4a-41db-a8de-a12a0fa1bf0a/ade8c0b3-5753-4144-9fb0-10ea22d337cd_rw_1920.jpg?h=25004f618cfb36a5b9b03abc39966ed0)
ONWARD
Like an ELFIN PLANES, TRAINS, AND AUTOMOBILES...less laughs but ALMOST as much heart.
![](https://cdn.myportfolio.com/243fc7ba-ab4a-41db-a8de-a12a0fa1bf0a/5e91cefd-29f4-4fde-a278-a8da579c8359_rw_1200.jpg?h=dc60584f33af329e3eac20bd6267a47f)
THE HOBBIT: AN UNEXPECTED JOURNEY
Meandering BUT enchanting performances and eye-popping backdrops make the CG OD almost worth it. (IF ONLY the runtime itself was a "HALF-LING!")
![](https://cdn.myportfolio.com/243fc7ba-ab4a-41db-a8de-a12a0fa1bf0a/361c32f9-00a2-467c-8f7c-66e1c95f0aa2_rw_600.jpg?h=5e24bbd18ea6be5204285ceb31c991a0)
THE HOBBIT: THE DESOLATION OF SMAUG
The first one was SUCH A SLOG, I CAN'T turn back now. But this WENT IN ONE EYE and OUT THE OTHER.
![](https://cdn.myportfolio.com/243fc7ba-ab4a-41db-a8de-a12a0fa1bf0a/a62e64f1-0674-4604-9135-d6c8bea8e01b_rw_600.jpg?h=2e1a932ab6ad7f9f1a4cb319cd24e113)
THE HOBBIT: THE BATTLE OF THE 5 ARMIES
C'MON! Epic quest or ENDURANCE TEST? Just like the "unexpected party" scene, this WHOLE TRILOGY overstays its welcome!
![](https://cdn.myportfolio.com/243fc7ba-ab4a-41db-a8de-a12a0fa1bf0a/91b975d2-9d20-4a3a-9eb5-2f830dbc7bcf_rw_1920.jpg?h=11e06e1626e4839cb090fd1d55251ef2)
BIG TROUBLE IN LITTLE CHINA
ZAPS, PUNCHES and KARATE-CHOPS its way through LOGIC, POLITICAL CORRECTNESS and nearly EVERY 80S MOVIE GENRE imaginable.
![](https://cdn.myportfolio.com/243fc7ba-ab4a-41db-a8de-a12a0fa1bf0a/51886a31-db4b-4a35-9e3a-626ad23a846d_rw_600.png?h=f25a1f38d780d5c958bc1bc5f9b63777)
THE LITTLE MERMAID
BEAUTIFUL animation, BEASTLY message. CLASSIC classic Disney.
![](https://cdn.myportfolio.com/243fc7ba-ab4a-41db-a8de-a12a0fa1bf0a/15aacd8d-584b-4a89-8cc5-175fef15261b_rw_600.jpg?h=60456cc7777b781efa169379f6c068ac)
ICE AGE
"3 MEGAFAUNA AND A BABY" is a cute quest with a warm message. (Could've ICED the SLOTH though IMO.)
![](https://cdn.myportfolio.com/243fc7ba-ab4a-41db-a8de-a12a0fa1bf0a/8b4260eb-c2a4-4e90-b68b-e2fd8af5f6f2_rw_600.jpg?h=aaee9809e8db13e58bd65e3c84d27648)
I WAS A TEENAGE ZOMBIE
YUKS, YUCKS, and a KILLER SOUNDTRACK. What more could you want from a zom-com?
And lastly...
![](https://cdn.myportfolio.com/243fc7ba-ab4a-41db-a8de-a12a0fa1bf0a/01be93f2-acef-4ecc-93dd-a2a214f2871a_rw_600.jpg?h=94423a9c8e59f7de57a4f03341a85ea0)
SOCIETY
...Holy SHUNT!